Change....

It's November and I was hoping that was enough of a reason for me to write... but it's not. But, I'm writing anyway...

I'm sitting in a room with the humming of the fan and the sound of Bethany Dillon filling these ears. It always seems that way. The humming of the fan and music flowing aimlessly while sharing what's been in my life and on my heart.

Life has been busy. One thing piling ontop of another, but still good. On Monday or Tuesday night I talked to a sweet friend of mine who lives on the other side of country. Most of our conversations consist of what God is doing in our lives, what we're learning, coffee we've drank, books we've been reading, what people have said or been doing in our lives, and the 'day-to-day' happenings.

That evening our conversation started the same. Talked about things that filled that day when we both said that we've felt completely consumed. I don't know about you - but I have never had anyone else say those words to me. I have never heard someone bluntly say to me (I'm normally the only one) "I feel completely consumed." But, I said to to Mel and she quickly told me that she agreed and felt the same. Whew...

I don't know about you; but I often wish there were a "pause" button that I could press when things surprisingly start moving too quickly or I just need a break. I can imagine ATLEAST a few of you know where I'm coming from. *grin* I've heard it said.

Last night I was with a dear friend of mine. I was sitting at the bar in her Kitchen (which is a famous place for our conversations) while she was doing something in the Kitchen. Out of the blue she asked me something along the line of: "Is there change?" I was more then kind of confused - I probably sat there giving her a blank stare; the kind that states "I have no idea what you're talking about." I don't even think I asked her to exlplain, but she continued to say: "Is God working in you; is He changing you?" For some reason the answer to that question seemed complicated. I kept starting my possible response with "Well, see" and not getting any farther. Then finally I told her that I've felt a bit stuck. I've felt distracted and comsumed with a lot of things. I've been desperate for Jesus.

For some reason I've come to be one who believes that when I feel like I'm standing still or feeling stuck that no work is being done. That nothing is possibly being taught or changed. Which I'm trying to also face the fact - that can't possible be true because God isn't an idle God.

Right now Bethany Dillon's words are echoing in my ears:
You change me,
You change me.
Thank you Jesus,
I can see, You change me.

I've felt stuck, desperate, idle, needy, poor. (Psalm 86) And during the moments of prayer in my room I've lately found the words "Jesus, don't let me stay where I am." But last night I was thinking about the conversation me and Nance had about God's changing us, and it made me think that my motivation behind those words were wrong. Last night I sat thinking about my time with God over the past few weeks and those words "Jesus, don't let me stay where I am" echoed over and over again in my mind. But, I kept thinking that my motivation was that I'd be brought of this place of desperation and feeling stuck and consumed, and be brought to the place of its oppsite. But the more I think about that the more I realize it's wrong. I think my motivation behind those words should be more like - wanting to be matured and growing, wanting not to stay in this place but to keep moving and growing in Jesus.

More later friends....

Teresa