"Oh, my soul....."

I'm listening to David Crowder's new album and just finished listening to the song of his "Rain Down" and it's raining outside; actually it has been all day. How appropriate....

I'm wondering if anyone is still reading this. Its been awhile since I've written... I think everytime I've written lately thats been the case. It's not that I don't have things to write... I have plenty of things. But for me, for some reason, it seems that when I have the MOST to say or to write, the LEAST is said or written.

But anyway... I'm guessing that they'll be many blogs to follow this one because I can't seem to fit everything into one blog... so please do be sure to read them if there are, and to read the past blog if you haven't.

I've been waking up various mornings for the past 4 or 5 weeks to find myself in the bathroom, head over the toilet, throwing up. Last Tuesday was one of those mornings... and I woke up this morning to figure out today would start the same.

When I was younger my mom used to tell me: "Stress manifests itself in many ways; physically being one of them." That's never been the case for me and I never thought it would be; but I'm beginning to think that now it may be. Stress and nothing else (except the obvious) has ever led me to throwing up or being phsyically sick. Stress has always led me to being quieter, weepier, and with less sleep. But, now I'm beginning to think that maybe my mom was right - and that anything is possible.

Friends... these are the things that have kept me from writing. Not stress,but life itself. Things have been thrown in my direction that I haven't been ready for. Sometimes more than what I think is bearable.

Let me just tell it like it is.

I've felt kind of stuck in this place. These past weeks have been extremely hard... a bit rough and tasteless, a bit weepy and with anger, and a bit vunerable. And mixed with many things. I've been wanting to post about it - especially before it got to the point where I didn't know where to begin; but honestly I haven't known how to explain. It seems to be too much placed in front of me that words from a keyboard can't seem to explain it.

I haven't even began to go into depth, but maybe that's too much information. Maybe those are words that have made people want to take a step back or want to exit out of this writing. I don't know.... but sometimes I think people can be afraid of honesty...

Last night I sat in a room filled with nearly 10 or 11 people. We shared about various things that have been on our hearts; things we've been struggling with, and about truly delighting in God. At times when people were sharing I noticed tears streaming down my face; and other times when others were sharing I'd lean to the person next to me and say "I deal with that too."

But, all of these scattering words are to say - that life has been hard and has left this page absent of words... but I thought I'd quickly share why. I'm hoping blogs will be coming soon... about the many things that I've been wanting to write about. Right now I'm treasuring that honesty.

When clouds veil the sun
and disater comes
oh, my soul
oh, my soul

When waters rise
and hope takes flight
oh, my soul
oh, my soul
oh, my soul

Ever faithful
ever true
You I know
You never let go...
(You Never Let Go, David Crowder)