I've always been the type of person to have a lot of dreams - things that sometimes seem unreachable and hindered, yet my heart feels at home with it.
Yesterday I was with a friend of mine. I was sitting at the bar on a stool in her Kitchen and suddenly she sat beside me, looked me in the eye and asked: "Teresa, what are your goals? What are your dreams right now, what is it right now that you really want?" I looked at her in the eyes - kind of surprised by the question. I told her: "What are my goals? I don't know." I did know, I do know, but I hesitated. In the past few weeks a part of me has become so fearful of my dreams lately that I haven't been able to share them. But, I built up the courage to tell her that being a Christian musician, a writer, a missionary in India, a photographor, a mother and wife are the very things that I've dreamed of doing... of being. The things I want to further The Kingdom with.
These are the things that make me come alive... music, writing, the people of India, black and white photographs. Making my own music with my own hands and my own words, scribbling my thoughts on paper and allowing them to become more then just that, taking what I think is beautiful and capturing that moment and making it even more beautiful, allowing messy little ol' me to be used to spread the Word of God to the people of India.
Yesterday night a friend of my sister's said to me: "I've read your blogs. You're a really good writer!" I thanked her for the words, but I got fearful. I am fearful. The kind of fear that you face when you know things are hindered, things feel completely unreachable but they just don't seem to go away. This type of fear has been whispering in my ear for the past few months... when I grabbed the laptop and sat down to write this fear seemed to be louder... but it is slowing being drowned out by the humming of the fans and the voice of sweet ol' David Crowder. But the fear is still there, I can literally feel it.
Fear is still built within me - the type of fear caused because I've realized that sometimes God wants something to happen and He won't let me thwart it (things that I feel unsure of) no matter what I do.
It has even scared me to share this with you - to share what dreams have been hidding in my heart, some of the dreams that I've been so fearful to share. I've become fearful because these are desperately things that I want. I've become afraid to share what I want because I've become fearful of finding out it isn't what God wants for me or that I'm going to fail... or even that the hindrance in front of me will grow bigger. Music, writing, India, photography are those dreams.
Today these things have been heavy on me, re-thinking the words of my friend and the comments on my writing that I've been getting this week. I love the things that I dream for/of, I've just become fearful of them. My dreams have become quieted because of that.
I used to dream dreams easily - and up until this year I believed that nothing could hinder my dreams. I so easily believed that what I dreamed could simply become a reality. But somehow now; I guess the question that I truly want to ask is: which of these dreams are mine and what dreams are God's FOR me? (Eph. 2:10) If I allow hindrances to stand in my way then what dreams of God's for me will I walk away from... I think we are capable of walking away from what God wanted for us. I trust that God does have dreams for us... things He wants us to do to further His Kingdom, things that He has equipped us to do. I know I will get comments that disagree with me on that.
I am leaving again Sunday afternoon for a week. Once I am back home in a week more blogs will be coming... a "where-in-the-heck-have-I-been" blog and about a few things I've been learning, and life in general. And I'm sure after coming home I'll have more to write about the place that I'm going. :) If you've read my last blog and this one - I covet your prayers over these things.
Seek Jesus and be His...
Teresa
8 comments:
I love you, girl! I will be praying for you all at youth camp!
Sweet post. Just some thoughts on it: You have some AMAZING dreams of working in a way to celebrate God and God's beauty but also to change the world in some way with people you've never met. To encourage you: Keep seeking God and you'll learn which dreams of yours He wants you to pursue. Things may not always be clear but they are a whole lot easier to see if you listen to God rather than rely on yourself to find out.
never stop dreaming of what you can do for God's glory. That is, after all, what we should be after.
><>
Hey there....guess what, i'm commenting!!!!! So yes, hm.....good post, dreams are scarey sometimes, but you are on the right track, without God's will are dreams will never satisfy us, always remember that!!! Keep trusting him Teresa and He will show you which way to go! much love!
thanks for sharing your heart here friend...as well as your dreams! I completley agree with you that God has dreams for us...plans FAR more greater than we could ever imagine them to be...and yes sometimes its scary. Continue to pray about these things, and ask for guidance, and if these dreams are the dreams that God tuly has desired for you. sometimes your answer will come right away...while others may take a while, but just be patient, and truly listen for what he has instore. I can tell you will do amazing things, just wait
hey sis ill be praying for you! you are amazing adn whatever God has for you youll be great at it never be afraid of the future for you are never alone...love yas
T-resea!!!!! Hello dearest, just stopping by to say HELLO! I've been thinking about you lately, i hope everything is going well, press on my friend and never lose your passion!! much love =)
Hey sis! Just wanted to say to continue to pursue Christ and never give into satan and never believe his lies. Press on for the PRIZE my dear. Also remember i love yas a ton and im always here for you netime newhere. Im so lucky to have a sister like you.
T-resa:
^_^ you need to go over to my blog and check out my newest post. Why? Cause.
Post a Comment