A glimpse of the Kingdom...

It's roughly 9am in the morning and I'm sitting here in my pajamas... I'm surrounded by nothing but the stillness that came with this morning and the sweet sound of Shawn McDonald.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to seeing a sky full of different shades of morning blues, glistening snow on rooftops and morning dew on the grass. I couldn't help but smile.

I also (gladly) woke up to an empty house. My mom and Britt are out Christmas shopping, (this year I chose not to go, I've never really been a fan of it. This year I chose not to buy gifts. I'm putting all of the money I'd spend on gifts towards the organization I support, Gospel For Asia- http://www.gfa.org/) my dad is out running morning errands, and my brother Shawn (the only one of the four brothers who still lives at home) decided to make his way to a friends yesterday evening and stayed there for the night.

It was good to wake up to nothing but stillness and silence, knowing that my time with Jesus was going to be spent that way. I've been having a heavy-heart lately; but still, I'm in awe of it all...

I thought of something last night that happened months ago. I woke up this morning with it on my mind again, and thought I'd share it with you all. BUT, before I share I have to clarify something...

A few months ago I wrote a blog about a missions trip that I was planning on taking to India through Gospel For Asia this upcoming Summer. Many people have been asking me about it, and I wanted to let you guys know that is not happening anymore. Right now, I don't feel like sharing the story or details of why not, but maybe I will in a later post.

Now... onto what I was going to share.

In June I was at a camp that I've been going to for years. I've been going to this Christian Camp since I was 10, that's even before I became a follower of Jesus.

This year was no different then the others. Except for the fact that I felt that I had a heavier heart than ever; and I was desperately trying not to let that show. I was struggling immensly spiritually, loneliness had once again become a well known 'friend' in my life, and I was struggling with things about India. There was one day at camp that these things played even bigger roles in my life...

That morning I made my way to the tabernacle, outside in the sweltering heat. (I don't know how people live in the South 24/7, when to me Ohio summers are damaging. *grin*) And when I sat down with the lovely ladies in my cabin and listened to the young man teach that morning and we worshipped; I couldn't help but notice that a young lady a few rows away from me kept looking in my direction. When this young man was teaching I kept passing glances in her direction. The longer he taught the more I realized that she wasn't only looking in my direction but directly at me.

Now... I am naturally a quiet and shy one. I don't like people staring at me, I used to have a fear of looking people in the eye, I love meeting new people although I'm not good at it, I don't accept compliments well... And having someone whom I didn't know staring at me, wasn't well taken on my behalf.

When the young man finished speaking I was one of the last ones out of the tabernacle. Everyone had cleared out except me, the band who had played, a few young campers in the back, the man who had taught, and this young lady in her early twenties who had been staring at me during some of the time in the tabernacle. She was sitting on one of the benches near the door that I was making my way to exit.

When I was close to leaving the tabernacle she surprisingly said to me: "can I talk with you for a moment?" So, after making my way over to her she said to me: "I know you don't know who I am and I don't know you, but I know someone who just met you. Jason Driver (look at blogs from this August, one entitled "No More Excuses") shared with all of the counselors about how you had talked with him about India. He said you have such a heart for it and yet you're struggling about going. I'm not here to talk with you about that..." After I let myself settle with the fact that Jason had shared what I told him about India with 12 other people, I simply said okay, wondering what it was then that she had called me over here for.

She hesitated, tried starting her sentences but getting no where. When after moments of sitting there she finally said: "I've been watching you a lot this week. Honestly, I don't know what it is about you but you've been drawn to my attention, and obviously Jason's as well. I don't know you at all but from watching you - you seem like one of the most Godly young women that I have ever seen." At that moment my jaw dropped. I had been staring down at the bench that I was sitting on while she was talking, but now I couldn't help but look her in the face. Thoughts were running through my mind but the only word I could get out was "what?" And she said: "Yes, you seem to be one of the most Godly young women that I have ever seen. I see Him in you."

After she said those words all of the things that I had been struggling with suddenly came rushing to my mind. I told her that I hadn't been 'feeling' very Godly. That I had been struggling with pride, distractions, loneliness, forgiveness, a heavy-heart, and doubt. Nearly 5 times I repeatedly said to her: "how can you see me as someone Godly when right now I don't see it in myself? You don't even know me. I don't understand this at all." She simply said back to me: "You've been laid on my heart. You are a Godly young woman, whether you believe it right now or not - I see it. And we're all going to struggle with things - but that doesn't make you less of God's or less Godly." She left me with the words "I can't wait to see what God has in store for you." Her and I left eachother with a hug. And I walked away in awe...

I think that night during my time with Jesus I repeatedly said the words: 'let me see myself the way she (I soon learned her name was Anne) saw me today, and the way that You continue to see me Jesus.'

I shared a few months back with a dear friend of mine, that for some reason I think we tend to usually see the bad in ourselves. I know I do, I'm a pro! *grin* I told her that maybe the reason we see the bad in ourselves so easily is because out of all people, we know ourselves the best. She agreed with me.

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning with those times on my mind and in my heart again. And I wanted to share them with you...

A question lately that has been on my mind is "how do we (as the Church) be the the Kingdom? And reflect the Kingdom?" I shared with a sweet someone earlier this week that so often I long for people to be the Kingdom towards me... I think 5 months ago Anne's simple words gave me a glimpse of the Kingdom.

I've been working on two other posts, so more later...
Teresa